Charlie's Angels:Full Throttle
Mortal Kombat
Mary Poppins
After his stabbing and subsequent fall from the top of a building, Thin Man (Crispin Glover) wakes up in a hospital bed in Los Angeles, with no memory at all. Enter the woman hired to take care of him, and nurse him back to health:Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews). Disenfranchised with her career taking care of spoiled rich English children, she decided to do something more rewarding...nurse amnesiacs back to health. Mary and Thin grows very close, singing songs, and visiting lovable chimney sweeps, until suddenly they are attacked by ninjas Sub-Zero and Scorpion during a stroll in the park. After receiving help from the thunder god Raiden, Thin Man is informed of his true destiny...he is the chosen one, destined to win Mortal Kombat and defeat evil sorceror Shang Tsung. Will Thin Man be able to win the tournament, and save his new love Mary Poppins from evil 4 armed giant Prince Goro? Find out this summer at a theater near you!
1. Make sure the movie has more plot than the game
2. Make some references to the actual game... don't take yourself too seriously, you're not working on a piece for Academy consideration
3. Make sure you cast Bob Hoskins
4. Shout all the catch phrases from the game (ie: "Finish Him!") What? The game doesn't have any catchphrases? Then why are you making it into a movie?
5. Fill the movie with all sorts of annoying techno music, lest we all forget you are adapting a video game
6. And finally, make sure the people wash Donkey Kong's loin cloth!! Even video game characters need to do laundry
Today's Movies:
Dirty Dancing
Anger Management
Die Hard
After Patrick Swayze smashed that car window with a cinderblock and beat up that guy in Dirty Dancing, it became obvious he had certain issues...so, in his trial (taking place in the courtroom from hilarious 80's sitcom Night Court) for beating up that guy, the judge (Harry Blackstone, reprising his role from the show0 orders he undergoes Anger Management therapy with oddball therapist Jack Nicholson. Nicholson decides "fruity dancerboy" should be paired up with his other newest charge, out of control officer John McClane (Bruce Willis) who is trying to put his life back together, and get his wife back...Too bad McClane is about to have "a bad day", because on the day of Swayze's retrial, a team of crack German paramilitary commandos have taken over the Night Court.
Can McClane, Swayze, and Nicholson save the hostages? Will Swazye win Baby (Jennifer Grey) back from Judge Blackstone in the big danceoff? And most importantly, will they all have the Time Of Their Life?
LET'S PLAY.
Ok now that I have blown my load, what else makes this movie so great? Could it be the random dance scenes that have no plot purpose yet are totally entertaining. Can you say M.C. Hammer? The return of the thin man. I loved that character from the first movie and I'm glad they broght him back and expanded on his character a little. The scenes of the thin man getting haircuts was funny as hell. And don't forget about Demi. How old is she? I wish I could marry someone half her age who is that hot... but most 20 year olds don't even look that good. Nice going Ashton.
So while the plot may not be that great, the cast of characters is excellent and the visuals, stunts and special effects kick ass. SO definately see this one. Its the best the summer has to offer (except for maybe Bad Boys 2 which I still need to see).
In other news, the new Dashboard Confessional CD, A Mark A Mission A Brand A Scare has made it to the internet, abhout three week prior to street release. I have sampled this CD and must say that I was impressed by it. The addition of the band for most songs is a welcomed improvement for me over his last album. The vocals still sound the same, holding true to the Dashboard style. Check this CD out when it is released on August 12.
2. Crispin Glover was the best part of Full Throttle, but he wasn't in it anywhere near enough
that being said...
This movie was not like a movie at all, just a long music video. It was way way too campy. Packing a movie full of non-stop action for 2 hours only makes you less and less excited about the action as the movie drags on (this is a preview of my Bad Boys 2 review). Very few parts of the movie were funny. Finally, Cameron, Drew and Liu don't even break close to my top 25 hot girls so them bouncing around in bikinis, while helpful, was not enough to save the movie. If you want to see a nice piece of ass, check out Pirate of the Carribbean. Keira Knightley did more for me in a full victorian gown than all three angels combined... and when she got drunk with Johnny Depp, that was hot. In conclusion, we are all dumber for having watched Charlies Angels 2 and lets hope this franchise gets put out to pasture before we have a trilogy on our hands.
First off it must be said that the that some people judge a movie on four requisites(especially summer movie fiestas)sex, humor, violence, and a kickass soundtrack. Well this movie had a COMPLETELY KICK - ASS SOUNDTRACK. Run out and get it. That said, lets get to the sex and violence. First off I think the angels are pretty bleh. Cameron looks like a stretchy faced frog most of the time, Drew's head resembles a big meatball, and Lucy is pretty hot, but theres just something about her I don't like. Now there was some scenes where they did look pretty luscious (Diaz in white bathing suit, Lucy and Diaz during the Pussycat dance.) But other than that they were pretty ass ugly. Plus I really hate them as people. There interplay annoyed the living hell out of me, in real life, and the movie. Now Demi Moore is another story. She looked pretty damn hot for a skeletal 40 year old...and man she was sexy with those guns. A totally Damn Thats Hot scene was after she crashed a car and popped her on shoulder back into its socket, then held Cameron at gunpoint and lesbianically super villain talked her while she half-licked her face.
Now to the violence...there was plenty of it, but most of it bloodless, which I hate. The fight scenes felt mostly contrived, with a half assed Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon floaty effect that just isn't possible in real life. The coolest scenes involved the strikingly out of place, yet ULTRA-SWEET Thin Man, brilliantly portrayed by Crispin Glover. If they DO make a sequel, they better find a way to have him survive his little stabbing/fall to get to it.
Lets get down to the nitty gritty here though. The plot was a giant piece of fly ridden shit. EVEN for what it was (a kitschy campy tv remake). The plot still should have been sensical at the least, believable at the very best. Plots based on a certain character doing a certain thing at a certain time, or the whole movie wouldn't work are dumb...But this one had so many dependables, and just outright nonsensical points that it just completely turned me off. Also the cameo choices were at times dumb, and at other times downright annoying (Pink, Eve, Olsen twins, Robert Patrick) The returning players (Luke Wilson, Matt LeBlanc) and John Cleese were great for what they were given. Also enjoyable was the irish gang leaders scenery chomping and superb accent. Bernie Mac just seemed to be playing Bernie Mac as Bosley, and didn't measure up to the more subtle humor of Bill Murray (IE Mac tried to hard).
So in conclusion, I loved the first movie, so I was expecting a lot coming in...and here I hated the main characters, the plot was total ass waste, and they seemingly killed the best character...but for some bizarre unknown reason I still liked it, and someday I'll probly buy the DVD...albeit previously viewed.
What grunge band singer was a former roadie for the Red Hot Chili Peppers?
So I say, Chris Cornell, Soundgarden, and the guy says ok hold on.
So I hold on for TEN MINUTES! Pulled over in a Pizza place parking lot so I don't lose phone service, becoming later and later for work. Finally after traffic reports, celebrity trash, commercials, and The Atari's In This Diary, they get back to me, the first person in line for the contest. I say Chris Cornell, Soundgarden. The DJ says, sorry, wrong answer and hangs up. They let me sit on hold for TEN MINUTES even though they knew I was wrong?!??!?1
Then the ultimate kicker, the answer turns out to be Eddie FREAKING Vedder! So I've now had 9 people today tell me I should have known that being such a huge Pearl Jam fan and all.
The moral of this story is that I have no luck.
Jgo here, your resident music pimp. Yes, I just made up that title for myself. In this article, I will post my opinions of some of the music that has come out in the summer season. So sit back, relax and enjoy the music.
Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue
Due out July 22, this new release from the Jacksonville, FL band Yellowcard really kicks some ass. The band continues their tradition of producing good sounding, yet interesting music. Check them out at Warped Tour this summer. Also visit http://www.yellowcardrock.com/video.php">their webpage and view the behind the scenes video to get a sampling of their new material and hear interviews with the band. Highlights on the new album include "Way Out," "Breathing," "Ocean Avenue," and "Only Once," however all tracks are worthwhile listens. Definately worth buying.
Less Than Jake - Anthem
Next we have the new Less Than Jake album, Anthem. I must admit that I am new to listening to these guys but this album was a real hit with me. I thought that LTJ was supposed to be ska but this album doesn't sound VERY ska but its still good. I enjoyed the track "The Ghost of You and Me." It may not be worth buying but check it out.
Linking Park - Meteora
Next up is Linkin Park's Meteora. I didnt like Linkin Park before but this album changed my opinion of them. While all of the songs kinda sound the same, I seem to like that same song a lot. Tracks to listen to include "Somwhere I Belong," "Easier to Run," and "Breaking the Habit." This album is definately worth buying.
Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Take a Break
I love these guys. Their covers are awesome and I think its cool they have enough pride to be a cover only band. This new album from them was a bit of a letdown though. While I was surprised at some of the stuff they covered, I enjoyed the covers of more classic american songs better than these. Though I did enjoy the Lionel Richie cover. I'm not saying this is bad though, I was just expecting more because all of their other stuff is so great. And I must mention that Mike enjoyed this album a lot more than I did so maybe you should buy it.
Other stuff worth mentioning:
Live - Birds of Prey : I enjoyed this new album from Live. Reminds me of Throwing Copper a bit.
Marilyn Manson - The Golden Age of Grotesque : I really liked Manson's last album HOLYwood but this isn't anywhere near as good. Pass on this one.
Ozma - Spending Time on the Borderline : If you like Ozma, get this album. It doesn't listen as well as some of their past albums but it does grow on you after a while. It includes the much anticipated studio tracks for "Eponine" and "Game Over." Also check out http://www.ozmaonline.com">ozmaonline.com for a downloadble music video for "Spending Time."
Weird Al - Poodle Hat : I was really looking forward to this but it just didn't measure up. The Eminem parody is pretty good, and so is the Avril parody. The polka is good too but thats about it.
Well thats it for this edition. Till next time.
Today's Ingredients:
Anaconda
Orange County
Ghost
Hilarity ensues when a giant Anaconda snake somehow swam up the Amazon River, into the Pacific Ocean, and all the way to Orange County, California. It's there that it emerges from the sea in time to strike out at Schyler Fisk, however, her quick thinking boyfriend Colin Hanks pushes her out of the way, and gets eaten himself. A heartbroken Fisk turns to spiritual speaker Whoopi Goldberg to talk to her deceased boyfriend, as he dictates to her the final chapter of his book "Orange County" (it needed an ending.) Meanwhile Hanks brother Jack Black, Ice Cube, and Demi Moore are hot on the trail of the murderous snake. Black and Moore seem to find true love, before Cube and Black decide to get really stoned, an act that may cost Moore her life...
July 15th:
Shanghai Knights
July 29th:
Daredevil (still haven't seen it)
August 12th:
Futurama Volume 2
Dashboard Confessional's new CD with bonus DVD
August 15th:
Futurama the Game (for PS2/XBox/Gamecube)
August 26th:
Lord of the Rings (regular edition, fanboys must wait)
Septemeber 9th:
Family Guy Volume 2
(Tom Arnold Alert!)
August 12:Cradle 2 The Grave
August 26:Simpsons Season Three
November 4:Indiana Jones Trilogy
We will bring you more on this breaking story as it develops. The eternal flame has been extinguished.
Britney Spears's Cherry
RIP:Dec. 2, 1981 - Uhhhh probly sometime at the height of boy band mania...lets say 2000
http://fifreak.dyndns.org:81/~fifreak/images/britney-vmas">RIP http://fifreak.dyndns.org:81/~fifreak/images/britney_spea">Britney's http://fifreak.dyndns.org:81/~fifreak/images/bsrollingsto">cherry.
The show took place in the sweltering heat of Camden, NJ, the worst state in the union. Me and Joe got stupid ass lawn seats, but we got there early, so we were at the very front of the lawn, so we could kinda see.
The show opened with Eddie Vedder doing an acoustic rendition of "Throw Your Arms Around Me", which was pretty cool. Then the Buzzcocks came on to do their set. All their songs sounded the same, and they were pretty boring.
Then finally at 9:00 PM PEARL JAM came out to open there 2 AND A HALF HOUR SET! They opened with new song Can't Keep, then launched into fast numbers like Save You, Spin The Black Circle, Faithfull and Do The Evolution. Then they decided to go classic and jammed out Even Flow, which featured an absolutely scorching solo by guitarist Mike McCready, highlighted by the start of fireworks off to the side of the Tweeter Center from god knows where. The works continued throughout Wishlist, and then Eddie decided to do something special since he was in Philly on Fourth Of July weekend, and there was fireworks...so the band played a middle of the set version of Rockin' In The Freeworld that brought the house down! Then they one-upped themselves by playing the rarely heard classic Breath!
This led into a really nice version of Love Boat Captain, and 1/2 Full off the new album followed by Corduroy and RearviewMirror to cap off the first set.
When they came back they launched right into Last Exit, Betterman, and a totally kick ass, haunting version of the classic, Black. All that plus another new song, and Blood to finish the first encore.
Eddie came back alone after that and did a beautiful acoustic version of The Beatles "Hide Your Love Away", followed by two more covers:Last Kiss, and a smoking version of The Who's Baba O'Riley. Sadly after that, they had to bring the show to a close, with their ever present ender, Yellow Ledbetter.
The above doesn't even cover everything that was played last night, but it hit pretty much all the highlights. All in all, a kick ass show from a superb live band that knows what its doing. Many bands could take a lesson.
Then after the show Joe got us lost in New Jersey, the worst place in the world to drive. God what a hellhole.
1- We started reading X-Men comics again. Ultimate was the book of choice for me, while Exiles seemed to be Justin's pick. That doesn't mean we didn't pickup some of the other titles... over the past month we just kept buying every new issue of X-Men in site. You know what that means... a lot of stories about Wolverine
2- I went to Myrtle Beach and Justin went to Florida. I bought him a Tiki drinking glass, so he one upped me and got me a Wolverine head mug
3- Media, PA can be a weird place at night
4- Coming off the high of the Ten-peat of movies over Spring Break, summer seems slow by comparison. So far X2 has been the best summer flic. Will Pirates or Bad Boys 2 top it? Only time will tell
5- Finally, the tallus laid for a challenge for us: eat in every stand in the foodcourt in counterclockwise order. Our quest ran out of steam due to scheduling problems and a lack of desire to eat at Wendy's, but our last stop was Master Wok and we are only 6 restaurants short of completing the goal so perhaps there is hope yet to finish the task by the end of the summer.