Well this weekend was a concert tour de force...Friday Me, Missy, and Mike took in Reel Big Fish and The Pietasters at Johns Hopkins. When we arrived in the college auditorium, we found people skanking on stage with the Pietasters, people dancing in the aisles, and a few people sitting down...so we found ourselves some seats and enjoyed the show. Reel Big Fish rocked as always, touching upon all ther good stuff like Valerie, Nothin', Beer, Take On Me, Where Have You Been, and Sell Out. Then the rabid crowd clamored for their return and were treated to 10 minutes of the band on a cell phone with a crowd members friend, and showing their control of their roadie, Milo. Then finishing up the show with Cheer Up, and a gloriously rocking All I Want Is More. I'd be remiss in not mentioning the hilarious banter that took place constantly between brass/guitarist player Scott Klopfenstein and lead singer Aaron Barrett. Lets see a travelling comedy show from these guys!
Following a quick drive back to Philly, it was time for the tour ending show of the Drive Thru Records Invasion Tour. After getting prime seats up at the bar we kicked back and enjoyed some primo punk-pop. Senses Fail opened up the proceedings with some Finch like rocking...they were pretty damn good, but the lead singers proclevities for screaming harshly every few seconds like the guy from Finch was rather annoying. The Early November played next to the rabid crowd...I wasn't really impressed with their shtick however. After that it was finally time to get down to business as Allister took the stage. Scottie and co. rocked the house against all odds, jamming out Radio Player, Scratch, Moper, Overrated, The One That Got Away, None Of My Friends Are Punks, and an AWESOME version of Somewhere In Fullerton to end the set, bring the house down, and draw out half the other bands to join them on stage for a sing along. Truly epic stuff.
After the set I spied Scottie in the bar and headed on over to get his autograph. Now this is the fourth time I've had the pleasure of seeing Allister, and I've met Scottie and gotten his autograph, and even talked to the guy at all 4 shows. Its not everyday you find a guy in a rock band who goes out and does that, so major props to him. I even walked up to him, told him they rocked, and that they should have been the headliner, to which he responded its all good (then mike walked up and said, you guys shoulda headlined, I want to hear ALL your songs), at which point I walked away to avoid a potentially weird moment.
Homegrown took to the stage next playing an energetic and all too short set featuring the first 6 songs off their album Kings Of Pop.
Finally it was time for headliners, and hometown heroes The Starting Line. The crowd went absolutley berserk as they took the stage and did renditions of Given The Chance, Saddest Girl Story, Up and Go, Three's A Charm, Leaving, 2 New songs, and an acoustic song from the upcoming ep about Kenny's parents. Then they finished up with radio single Best of Me, and a shower of confetti. The crowd refused to be satisfied and called them back out for an encore that included a cover of I'm Real and This Ride. Great set overall, but Kenny's beginning to get on my nerves a little, with his constant running out and joining other bands on stage during their sets and loving of his hometown.
All in all a great 2 days of rock n roll like it should be...in seats.

This is the first installment of a multi-part series focused on the inner rage that RJ has become particularly good at winding into tiny balls of hatred. If you have ever been irritated on the road, then this is for you. Or if you're just that damned bored.

After 22 years and 2 cross-country trips spanning 35 states, I have seen more of my country than the average citizen. Therefore we shall take as given that I am an expert in all things and that my voice is, more or less, authoritative on all matters of import.

I have driven to the greatest salsa factory in all of New Mexico, raged at the tolls of the Turnpike, and braved the stench that is Arkansas (what a shithole, avoid at all costs). And having spent so much of my time on the road, I can now safely say that few things piss me off more than the stupid fucking people who claim to be licensed drivers.

And let me be very clear about what provokes my wrath, because it's neither discourteous driving, nor slow driving, nor even high traffic driving. It's stupid driving. And unfortunately, nowhere in all my travels have I been surrounded by more stupid drivers than in the Baltimore-Washington area. Exacerbating this problem is that this is the region of the country in which I reside. Thus, I am forced to pass through a forest of incompetence twice a day, five days a week.

I know that there are others who share my feelings. But let me educate those of you who are either part of the problem (and therefore oblivious of your own worthlessness), or for those of you who have not yet known the joy that is 38 MPH in the left lane, stuck behind an SUV piloted by a D.C. asshole too busy staring at himself to get over.

My theory on why drivers here are so bad is simple. Our proximity to Washington, D.C. ensures that we have plenty of the most arrogant people in the nation. These soulless bastards see the world as serving them, and are thus too busy to pay attention to how their driving affects others. When I rage, it is against the sense of entitlement displayed by the guy too busy talking on his cell phone to exit in time, so he cuts across 4 lanes of traffic, wipes out a station wagon full of orphans, only to wave a smug "thank you" as he exits.

And then there is the issue of vehicle purchase.
Take the monument to ego known as the Hummer H2 (although any SUV will do). At last we have a vehicle that combines obliterating the environment with certain death for anything it bumps into. And as an added bonus, its whopping 6 MPG ensures enough oil money to assist more 12 Saudi terrorists will get the training they need in order to more effectively detonate themselves.

I know, you say that driving is bad all over the country, there is nothing special about our region... Well, maybe you're wrong, and maybe you're wrong. If the Eisenhower Highway system had an asshole, this would be it. Sure, I wish that the mother of the creator of New Jersey's "Jug Handles" had just applied a coat hanger at the 3 month mark, but the average driver in Jersey knows that when you signal left (or I guess right given the Jug Handles), that means you're gonna turn with your signal.

So what do we have to deal with? For starters, there's the guy who just sort of weaves his rusted out Ford F-150 (with gunrack) in front of you like he's totally cocked off of $2 40s of Icehouse. All the while you're praying he'd just pick a lane so you could speed up and see what the hell he looks like before he runs you off the road.

Another personal favorite is the weather-freak. These mothers are so concerned about protecting their "baby on board" that they don't give a shit about the thousands of hapless individuals behind them. So upon that first drop of rain they slam on their breaks, causing a 68 car pileup that kills 52. But does Mommy care? No, why care about how one's actions affect someone else? What is most important is safety of the child, who will likely be raised as another human meatbag, entrenched in the "me first" life philosophy.

Speaking of snow removal, Maryland truly is the black hole of highway management. But I digress, I'll move on before this topic causes an untimely homicide at my office.

"RJ, just chill out. It's not a big deal." Whoever says that is probably the same joyless dickhead pissing me off at 33 MPH in the left lane. Just the other day I'm coming around a blind turn of a sharp onramp. Now, as many of you know, an ON-RAMP is used to pick up speed with which one might merge into traffic that is already going quite fast.

Now, on this particular road (BW PKWY), traffic usually goes about 65. For this reason, I was quite alarmed when I reached the bottom of the onramp and about 100 feet in front of my car was a white Lexus, stopped in the middle of the weave lane (and if you don't know what a weave lane is, please have the courage to stab yourself in the eye).

Naturally, I laid on the horn, not out of anger, but rather because I prefer not being blasted in the ass while merging. Somehow I managed to get into traffic and pass her, but because I'm a curious person, I politely inquired about her problem as I went by. "Lady, what the hell is wrong with you?" And what was her response? What possible excuse did she have for being stopped in the most dangerous frickin' place possible?

"I can't get in." That was her answer. Not, "I couldn't get moving past 43 MPH because I'm a complete fucking idiot," She didn't say, "Geez, I thought that when the rest of traffic saw me in my Lexus that they just would part for me like the Red Sea before Moses." Nope, all she had for me was, "I can't get in." I just wanted to kick her in the gut, but the mechanics are too difficult while operating a motor vehicle.

I guess I shouldn't expect much from a state that does not require a person to drive on an actual road to get their license. Yeah, it turns out that the Maryland test is on a controlled course-- the most difficult part is backing up in a straight line. And yet even something so simple as driving straight seems difficult for the Maryland driver, despite being the only skill the steaming fleshpiles at the MVA have certified someone as capable of.

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers. Originally I had considered simultaneously annihilating everyone on the road, but the logistics are problematic.

There is no moral to this story, only a simple rule. If you're on the highway, the left lane is for passing and people who want to go faster than you. Unless you're doing one of these things, get the hell out of my way. Because if I deal with one more of you fucking twits who's just "takin' it easy" on the left, I'm running you into the goddamned median.

KFC awoke the public's imagination with the announcement that popcorn chicken was back and better than ever several weeks ago. This humble reviewer decided to sample the new version of this fried delicacy before it slipped back into the discontinued graveyard of fast food.

After a disasterous attempt to obtains a fried chicken fix on Friday at lunch hour, I managed to make it to a KFC in New Jersey on Sunday. After a staggeringly long wait, I purchased a Popcorn Chicken combo for < $5.

My thoughts: the new popcorn chicken is glorious. It redefines the way we think about fried chicken. Furthermore, the portion of fried chicken and fries is more than adequate for anyone who plans on making it through the night without triple bypass surgery. KFC's wild claims about more white meat chicken per fried ball seemed true, although it has been awhile since I had their old popcorn chicken incarnation.

In conclusion, for value and greasy delight, pick up some popcorn chicken at KFC tonight! Of all the meals I've had at KFC, this one came closest to being edible!

Here's a category Justin missed:

Top 10 Revenge Movies:
(rated more on the sweetness of revenge than the actual movie quality)

10. Dirty Work
9. Once Upon A Time In Mexico
8. The Patriot
7. Road to Perdition
6. Braveheart
5. The Mask of Zorro
(4.) Kill Bill <- Early forecast!
3. The Counte of Monte Cristo
2. Desperado
1. Payback